Getting Really, and Possibly Too Personal.

by Katelyn Block on June 23, 2012 · 20 comments

There are certain things in life that I know I will do differently when I am a parent. Letting go, most of all.

I’ve grown up in a house where I never did anything wrong. To say I was sheltered would be an understatement. I was subject to overbearing parents (which at some points even extended family would have to speak up about), limited freedoms, and extensive interrogation sessions.

College was a breath of fresh air. It was freedom. The taste of finally being able to see friends, go out, and go to sleep when I felt like it. Learning how to manage my own time without a parent constantly breathing down my neck. It was the birth of responsibility.

I came home from school and was immediately sent into culture shock. At school, life was good and demanded constant attention; but I always had trust in myself. When I returned home, the same was true: life was good, and there was always something going on until my parents would decide that freedom wasn’t allowed. That I had to be driven everywhere, always know my whereabouts, and constantly having to “make sure” that I got enough sleep.

Being a working woman, it is both a relief and a huge responsibility to have a full-time job. Every day is like a new miracle when I get to leave the house and go to work, even when it gets tough. Work sucks a lot of the time. The unfortunate truth of it is that people aren’t always nice, and the job gets stressful. But being able to have the freedom of knowing I can buy myself lunch where I want to, when I want to, and see my friends afterwards makes me so incredibly happy. It keeps me sane.

The changes happen when I get back home. The questions happen. Where I went before I got home. Well, I worked twelve hours today, so I went straight home to get food. And then I’m told I smell. Smell like what? Restaurant? This also becomes an indicator that I’ve done something wrong. I begin to long to go back to work so I can get away from all of the questions.

After working a 52-hour workweek, I look forward to having a couple of days off. I make plans with friends, but still spend a hefty amount of time at home. All of a sudden my car keys are taken away. It is decided that I will be driven to all of my events with friends that my parents know and trust. I then spend two hours talking this out with my parents after committing to paying them $100 for gas I didn’t use. There is still discussion to be had.

I’m tired of living in fear. I’m tired of being around people who are constantly afraid, anxious, and upset. Fear is a soul-sucker. It eats at you until you bow down and let it take over. It affects relationships, integrity, and how you view yourself. It makes me want to thrust myself into disease once more.

It takes me so much strength to pull myself away from that longing desire to give up everything and let fear have it. Let it take me over and decide how I will behave: as a slave to being secluded and unaware of my own potential. It’s like grabbing a full-grown person by the armpits and trying to haul them off the side of a cliff. You can’t do it unless you’re trying so hard that you use every ounce of your willpower just not to let go.

Then you pull yourself out. You see the light. You splash your face with some cold water, walk outside, and realize that everything is just as it was before. Just as you left it. (anyone get my Mad Men reference? say ayyyy) Everything is alright again, but you’re still near the edge.

This is my time to start walking away. To say no. To stop allowing others’ fears, negativity, anger, frustration, and lack of love to get to me. It’s my time to give all the love I have, and repel fear. Consciously not let it in. Keep myself in.

It’s time for me to love myself again and stop staring at the mirror, wishing I had more time to go to the gym, or wishing I had eaten less frozen yogurt the night before. It has to stop. I want it to stop. It’s time for me to treat my body like the temple it is, and loving my soul with every inch of goodness I want to have.

It’s time to let go.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

chelsey @ clean eating chelsey June 23, 2012 at 7:37 PM

Sounds like it’s difficult to go back home after living on your own all year – I can definitely understand that. Just remember that you may not agree with Mom and Dad, but right now you are living in their house and have to respect their rules (totally blows, I know). Have you thought about sitting down with them and talking about how as you’re getting older you are getting more responsible and would like to have more freedom? Better yet, have you ever thought about sitting down with some sort of counselor with your parents that can be an unbiased third party? Sorry you’re going through this!


Madeline @ Food Fit and Fam June 23, 2012 at 8:20 PM

I really agree with what Chelsey said … maybe a pow-wow with a 3rd party would be beneficial for everyone. They can understand where you’re coming from, and them you. Growing up is a tough thing on parents … something I didn’t understand (or appreciate) until I became a mom myself. However, growing up is also tough on US. I had pretty strict rules in HS and when I came home from my freshman year of college my mom and I had to have a serious talk about those rules and find a compromise. The thing about a compromise is that no one is 100% happy … we all have to give and take. So, I stand with seeking a 3rd party opinion to help you all!


lindsay June 24, 2012 at 7:59 AM

Yes, totally agree here. While it is a hard situation, i think a sit down might be a good way to go. They care about you. Its probably hard for them to see you living so independently. Sometimes having a third party member (the counselor) can help communicate your feelings to your parents a little better. We are here for ya too girl!


Danielle June 23, 2012 at 7:40 PM



Heather @ For the Love of Kaleh June 23, 2012 at 7:42 PM

AMEN, AMEN, AMEN. Katelyn, you’re so freakin’ smart, witty, and all sorts of amazing. It sucks when you come home to a lack of freedom. The thing is…your parents are just that – your parents. They will always worry and want to know where you are and I guess, in many ways, they deserve to have that right….especially while you’re living under the same roof. It’s tough. You’re an adult and want your freedom. That being said, what your parents are doing to you is ridiculous and unacceptable. You deserve their trust more than anything else – especially because you’ve never given them a reason NOT to trust you. Stay strong, spread your light, and take care of YOU. Put you first. <3 I'm here if you need me, babe.


Sana June 23, 2012 at 7:46 PM

I live with my parents and as long as I am under their roof, I have to respect their choices and rules. Let them meet your friends, include them in your life. Let them see that you are an adult. Also maybe something else is going on? Wish you the best!


Electra @ Vanilla Bean Lean June 23, 2012 at 8:02 PM

It sounds like you take your freedom seriously and responsibly. It doesn’t sound like you party all night, hang out with bad influences, and treat yourself horribly. It sounds like you’re a responsible woman who is ready to forge your path in this world under your own rules, values, and ideals. You can do it, and I’m so proud of you. You go girl! If you need anything, please let me know.


Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie June 23, 2012 at 8:11 PM

I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with that girly! I hope talking to your parents helps get this worked it out.


Runtothefinish June 23, 2012 at 8:18 PM

My parents were in no way that strict, but it only took a few months at home post college for me to move out because I had tasted independence and needed to maintain it.


Molly Ritterbeck June 23, 2012 at 8:26 PM

For me it was my mom – my dad understood life. I moved away and never looked back. Only you know what you need to do. If there is anything I can do to help please let me know. You can use me to bounce ideas off of or what not….sincerely…WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU


Danielle Dillard June 23, 2012 at 11:50 PM

I grew up with very overbearing parents (mom mostly) as well. It was terrible. I blame my constant urge to “grow up fast” and “escape” to this, but it’s gotten better over the years I’ve been away from home. Living back there for a year in college, after having been away a year, was torture. I was very depressed. You just have to focus on the positives, keep trudging on until you’re able to be on your own again. I also think about the people out there that don’t have the option to live at home, or have the comfort of knowing someone is there to help them if they desperately need it. They’re alone in this world. Though sometimes overbearing, I’m thankful for my parents for being there for me no matter what.


Kelly @ Cupcake Kelly's June 23, 2012 at 11:56 PM

Sorry you are going through this, I can totally relate, and I know it’s a hard situation, but I have read the other comments and hopefully you can chat with your parents and a third party to try communicate how you are all feeling. That was the only way I was able to candidly talk with my parents. If you want to chat don’t hesitate to contact me :)


Chuck June 24, 2012 at 12:58 AM

This was such an awesome and deep posts–stay strong Katelyn, you’re that tough. Embrace your beautiful body and also the fact that that is the way your parents are. It will be tough to chance them. But you can show them their irrationality and how much of an adult and a tough young woman you have become- independent and strong.

I hope my family were nice to you at work!


Red Deception June 24, 2012 at 3:27 AM

This is a very honest and heartfelt post. I can empathize – as I had such rules and had restricted privileges (did I mention I lived 30 minutes outside of the city in a cabin? And didn’t have a drivers license until I was 18?). Post-secondary allows you to live independently and make adult decisions, and once you are out in the world doing as such – it is challenging to go back. And why would you?

It is up for you to decide what you want out of your home situation. You will always be their child, but you are now a grown woman and deserve respect as such. Perhaps you may need to consider alternative living arrangements – to allow you the change to delve deeper into your adult development. Either way, I hope you find the outcome that is best for YOU.


Emily @ Perfection Isn't Happy June 24, 2012 at 8:17 AM

I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are so brave to share your story! Before I turned 13, my parents used to call my friends’ parents to make sure I wasn’t watching a movie higher than PG when I went over to their houses, and it used to humiliate me. I’m now 23 and getting married in 3 weeks, and they still like to know where I’m going, and who I’m going with. Sometimes it’s hard to “act like an adult” when your parents are treating you like a child, I agree with Chelsey — maybe you should try getting a third party involved?


Alicia at Poise in Parma June 24, 2012 at 9:02 AM

My heart goes out to you. I was very fortunately to be very supported by my parents when I moved back home after college. I wish everyone could have that experience that I did.

It’s time for you to stand up for yourself. In times like this, I’m always reminded of this tale:

I hope it gives you the strength you need to do what is best for you.


Kaitlin June 24, 2012 at 10:13 AM

I know what you are going through is hard but try to focus your energy on the positives- like the fact that you have parents who care and even though they are overbearing, be thankful that they actually take the time to play an active role in your life. I know so many people who have lost parents at an young age or simply don’t have parents that even care. hang in there girl- sounds like you have it good :)


Lisa June 24, 2012 at 3:19 PM

I’m really sorry your going through this tough time at the moment. It definitely seems a little unfair that while you were off in college, you had your complete freedom and now that you are home it seems like you lost all those privileges. It would definitely be hard, especially since your living under their roof, so its like they do have the final say. I am in the complete extreme opposite of you and I always hated that I had too much freedom. I had no curfew when I was younger, no rules, or restrictions to where I went. Not always the best, seems like we want what we can’t have, right? Hope you get through this soon! xo


Abby @ Abz 'n' Oats June 25, 2012 at 2:55 PM

I really don’t know what to say besides this is such a beautiful post and I really hope things look up for you soon. :) This line is so perfect. “It’s time for me to love myself again and stop staring at the mirror, wishing I had more time to go to the gym, or wishing I had eaten less frozen yogurt the night before. It has to stop. I want it to stop. It’s time for me to treat my body like the temple it is, and loving my soul with every inch of goodness I want to have.”


Lauren June 27, 2012 at 9:25 AM

Ha! Oh em gee…this is my sister EXACTLY. She just finished her first year in University and feels the exact.same.way. I just finished my fourth year, so I have kinda figured out my school/home groove already. I have already gone through 3 summers at home, so it’s better now. But after my first year? Oh geez. It was rough. I am also in recovery from anorexia now…but wasn’t after 1st year and I let the fear and disease win because I felt so constricted by people, expectations, rules. My sister is having a tough time with this (compounded by the fact that she has a boyfriend that she constantly wants to go visit). It really helps to have talks with my parents and my sister and I. I essentially mediate the convo because I can see both sides of the argument and can simmer everyone’s temper when things get out-of-control. I know your sister is younger, so that’s not an option for you. I know people above suggested a third-party counsellor, however, I understand that that would be pretty intense and maybe not something you want to go through. With time, you will likely see that their intentions are honourable and they only have your very best interest at heart. With all that said, please please please do not let that awful disease come back. I fought it for many years and still fight it now each and everyday in recovery. That gremlin ED voice in your head is a piece of sh*t. You deserve everything and anything in this world and you are too valuable to lose. Try sitting down and talking to your parents letting them know that you will do your best to keep them informed, text them when you are going out etc, just to help keep the peace and show them that you respect their rules and fear. I might get my sis to email you…you guys may be able to help one another. She has a pretty solid head on her shoulders and a good way of looking at things. You guys could probably give each other some good advice and support. Just remember to always take care of YOU. <3


Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: